26th Sept 2011
I went to the OB last week. He was a very nice man, and taught my 8 yr old a science lesson during the ultrasound. He like the kids and let them push buttons when he needed them to be pushed. Nevertheless, I won’t be going back. We got along because I kept my mouth tightly shut. The problem is that he wants to conduct prenatal care in a manner I disagree with. Like many doctors, he’s firm and convinced of the correctness of his opinion. His patients don’t have a lot of options—his word is law. It’s his perfect right to conduct his business that way, and it’s mine to choose my own style of healthcare. To many, doctors are experts, the authority, and should be consulted and obeyed. To me, they are people I hire to advise me. However, I am still the consumer, and am paying them to provide the healthcare I want. The responsibility for my health is my own. If I don’t agree with the advice given I won’t take it. Back to the midwife I go (who, incidentally, does whatever I ask—barring the crossing of moral lines, which hasn’t happened).
Life is uncertain at this point. Simply meaning that once again, we don’t know quite what we’re doing or when. I’m thankful that the gospel is a steady, unchanging conduit of light I can depend on when other things in life are unsure. In the midst of uncertainty we can still have family traditions and routines that keep our focus on what is most important.
I’m ignoring my children for the next couple of months while I try to get through this last semester. But then I’m done. And I’ll be a good mom again. I didn’t realize how much of my time it would take, and should have stuck to the one class I needed to graduate.
Still, the kids are healthy and relatively happy, and they are learning a lot about religious, political, and moral questions around the dinner table. Because that's when I talk to Shawn about what I'm studying in my classes. I'm the odd one out in every class. The extremist in every situation. I disagree with almost every other student (at least with what they write) and am avoided because of my ideas. (The problem is I don't generally disclose my ideas unless I'm in a comfortable environment but because of the nature of the online discussions, I'm forced to give and defend an opinion. I simply can't gush about how I agree with a lot of nonsensical idiocy, and I have a hard time being politically correct...so I'm just hoping to pass the class I need.) I even call my mother to ask her just how far off-base I could possibly be. I must be okay, because she usually agrees with me, and on the rare occasion that she doesn't, she at least lets me know my opinions are decent and that I'm not crazy. That means a lot...I value my mother's opinion.
