Guess what? They already know.
http://www.merelymothers.com/2014/11/25/ten-things-military-wives-probably-dont-want-know/
I read this article this evening. I have to say, I can't actually relate. The only thing that I really connected with was number 7. Now that I know it is totally normal, I will stop whining (probably) about 12 hour days and shift changes every few weeks, and sudden schedule changes that throw my day or week off completely. And number 8--I'm beginning to feel the significance of that one...planned vacations put on hold for the 4th time, not being able to take leave because of some sort of training or random very important thing. But mostly...I really felt like other people, single parents, people who have been TTC for a long time, some disabilities and accidents, addictions, and a whole host of other things are right up there, or a lot harder. Part of it is the line I hear all the time about how it's so tough to be a part of the military but he/she/I/we wouldn't have it any other way. It's a choice. Some of the other hard things in life are not choices, and a person would definitely choose to have it another way. I really feel like being a military spouse or a military family isn't that special (bracing for the hate mail), beyond how special each of us are in our own unique ways anyway. There are challenges that come with the lifestyle, and perks too. It seems like every single one of those "ten things" are applicable to other life situations as well. But while we get 30 days of paid leave a year (providing we can find time to take it) other people didn't get the leave in the first place. While we have full medical coverage, spouse support groups, and discounted shopping to soothe our ruffled feathers at being imposed upon, some are watching us and wishing life were this easy.
A word about the exceptions. I do feel for homeless vets. I think those who are hurt in service should be well taken care of. I don't actually know how well the military does at addressing either of these issues. I also, while I can't say I've been there or "understand", very much feel for how hard it is/would be to live with a spouse or be the spouse struggling with PTSD. You may not go in thinking that something like that is going to happen, and I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through it. Then again, many others struggle with that problem from events other than deployment (rape, abuse, and more than can be named here).
The point is, life is hard. Being a military spouse is hard. Being a single parent is hard. Losing someone you love is hard. Going to college while trying to support a family is hard. Having triplets is hard. Divorce is hard. If your life is not hard, please email me and give me some tips. There is something to be said for developing empathy for all of the different kinds of hard. There is also something to be said for recognizing that your military life is no harder than most civilian lives.
I'm not actually condemning this article. I totally whine about things that are hard for me, and much of that includes military issues. The lady who wrote the article is perfectly within her rights to whine about the things that are hard for her. The only issue I have is that I've been stumbling across huge numbers of posts and articles about why it's so hard to be a military spouse...seeming to imply that it's harder than being whatever-other-kind-of-spouse there is. (Admittedly, I sometimes find the same kinds of articles about Moms-who-stay-home or Moms-who-work, with all sorts of accompanying ridiculousness in the comments section.) So if your spouse is not in the military, know that your struggles are just as difficult. And if your spouse is in the military, know that you are supporting something good, but your struggles are not really harder than average. You are not more "at your limit" than any other mom, or more tired, or more picked on. You may be at your limit, and tired, and somewhat picked on. Who isn't?
Go ahead with the articles about military life--I just learned that one of my touchy spots is a normal part of military life. Go ahead with the articles about staying at home, or working, or traveling, or dealing with loss. It's good to write and get it off your chest, it may help another person get through it or feel validated, it may serve as a journal for your kids, it may make someone think, it may provide insight into something previously incomprehensible.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
A Lost Tooth, and a New Primary Presidency
Teddy, my sweet 5 year old, was trying to open a container of salad dressing with his teeth, when his bottom tooth, which was noticeably loose anyway, popped out and landed on his chair. This was accompanied by much blood (for a tooth), crying, and pouting. When Shawn asked if he was excited about losing his first tooth, he really didn't see any reason to be overjoyed. I let him have applesauce for dinner instead of pizza and salad. For some reason, he thought of this as a reward, and was much happier. To be fair, he did get the peach flavored applesauce usually reserved for the baby. But then, after he was told to put his tooth in a ziploc bag so he wouldn't lose it, he didn't, and he did lose it. Hysterics ensued until he was told he could probably just write a nice letter to the tooth fairy telling her about how his first tooth came out and she would still bring him a dollar. He began his letter "Dear Mom".
I have been the 1st counselor in the Primary Presidency (a church position helping to teach the children) for a while. Guess what? I still am. My President told us last month that the Presidency was being reorganized and we would all be released. Bishop caught me in the hall and said I was requested as the 1st counselor again, so I was released and sustained in the same breath. It's okay. I like Primary. I was kind of dumped into the calling in the first place with no training, and no clue what I was doing. I think it's been a little over a year (?) and I really had no idea how much I know, until tonight. We had our first Presidency meeting, which lasted two hours, and I knew the answers to almost every single question and then some! I tell you, this is the first time that has ever happened. I realize that I have learned a lot in the last year, and I really do like being a part of the Primary...although nursery leader is probably my very favorite calling in Primary :).
In other news, my hot water still doesn't work. And I really don't want to talk about it. Suffice it to say, the people who owned this place before us are not my favorite people in the world.
I have been the 1st counselor in the Primary Presidency (a church position helping to teach the children) for a while. Guess what? I still am. My President told us last month that the Presidency was being reorganized and we would all be released. Bishop caught me in the hall and said I was requested as the 1st counselor again, so I was released and sustained in the same breath. It's okay. I like Primary. I was kind of dumped into the calling in the first place with no training, and no clue what I was doing. I think it's been a little over a year (?) and I really had no idea how much I know, until tonight. We had our first Presidency meeting, which lasted two hours, and I knew the answers to almost every single question and then some! I tell you, this is the first time that has ever happened. I realize that I have learned a lot in the last year, and I really do like being a part of the Primary...although nursery leader is probably my very favorite calling in Primary :).
In other news, my hot water still doesn't work. And I really don't want to talk about it. Suffice it to say, the people who owned this place before us are not my favorite people in the world.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
All the little things I'll never remember
There are so many. And it's hard to remember that I won't remember them in a few months, or even a few weeks. So here are a few of the things I would like to remember some day.
Lorenzo made such a beautiful discovery the other day (over fall break) that I was sad when I realized I didn't catch it on camera after all (the sd card didn't know it was there but Olie was trying). He discovered the game of rolling a ball back and forth between two people, and you could just see the realization dawn on him that he had found another way to interact and others would respond and play with him. He laughed and laughed, and it was so funny to see him try to throw the ball. He would make a throwing motion but not be able to make his fingers let go...it was quite the process. He loved it. He loves to play games. He'll blow raspberries with his little tongue at the slightest invitation and loves it when others do it with him. He loves peek-a-boo. He loves tag, and pat-a-cake, and singing. Especially Old MacDonald. I'm loving this baby stage, and trying not to stress that I get nothing done. I'll finish the dishes and sweep the floor when he's not quite so cute. Maybe.
Xander's favorite stuffed animal is Eeyore. I mention this because I can't for the life of me remember what Demetri's favorite stuffed animal was at that age. Or Olie's. And that makes me just a little sad. Xander loves Eeyore, and then his monkey, and Shawn's huge teddy bear from when he was a kid. His favorite song used to be "How Much is That Doggie in the Window." Then it was "Sunshine in My Soul." Now the Sunshine song has moved into second place in favor of "the rainbow song," which is in the Children's Songbook but I have forgotten the real name. We also sing a lot of "The Bear sat around with his foot on the log." Is there a real name for that song? He loves all of the different styles of singing it (happy, sad, in a baby voice, and really fast) that we do and tries so hard not to smile or laugh while watching me sing it in a "crying" voice. We sing and read every day. If I don't read a story before nap time (and bedtime too), and sing at least one song (but probably more like five), there is a tantrum. But as long as the routine stays fairly similar, he willingly climbs in bed every time. His favorite book changes more rapidly than his favorite songs. He liked If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and loves all Amelia Bedelia. He's quite likely to request the same book over and over, for nap time and bedtime, every day until I get tired of it and hide it. I also rotate the books in the bookshelf upstairs every now and then, but I'm not sure any of them realize it yet. I love it when he uses words like "actually." He manages to make it sound like it has 5 syllables.
Teddy's favorite song is "In Our Lovely Deseret." It used to be the rainbow song, but Olie liked "the one about children" so then Teddy did too. He also loves "Follow the Prophet" though. His favorite stuffed animal is his "Georgie," which really is a Curious George stuffy. (He calls all monkeys Georgie.) You know, the more I read of Curious George books the less I like them. Really? A monkey who never does what he is asked, gets into all sorts of trouble and never suffers the consequences but is always lauded as a hero! Well, okay. Sorry for the rant. I must have been reading a little too much R.A Rey lately. (And I only just developed this dislike over the last year. I've been reading this stuff for much longer than that. I'm starting to get really picky about books.) Back to Teddy. He has a dislike for showering that I don't understand. I love showers. He has a stubborn streak the size of Texas that I really thought he might outgrow at some point. I don't really think so any more. He wants to do whatever Olie is doing, just to prove he can do it too.
Olie's favorite song is "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief." Why? Because it's Demetri's favorite song. Why? Because Shawn pointed out that it is a hymn that tells a story. They request it every night, but I just don't think I'm capable of singing all 7 verses of that song every night. So they only get it occasionally. They sleep on the same bed right now and are learning to share space. I think it is actually helping them to get along better. Or maybe that is my imagination. Olie is loving cooking right now. He was just put in piano lessons (which I should have saved as a Christmas present!) and is loving that too. He practices every day. Because after he practices he's allowed to play music games on the computer that his teacher has assigned as "homework." They aren't too bad either. Pitch and rhythm stuff. He was just promoted to "assistant dishwasher" and hates it. Of course, he was promoted because of his frequent complaining about work. Boy is that kid creative. He has whole little schemes about how he is going to make his children do all the work when he grows up and isn't going to do a thing, ever, that he doesn't want to. Or run away, so that he doesn't have to do any more work ever. Shawn told him that he is going to continue to get more chores until that attitude goes away. He used to try this little manipulation act, saying, "I thought you loved me, but you don't really," while crying pathetically and silently on the stairs. Not only did that not work, but it caused him a lot of trouble, so he wised up pretty quick and cut that one from his bag of tricks. I feel I have much to learn from him!
I hear a baby screaming...it may be a long night.
The above was written a couple of weeks ago. But I just couldn't post it without writing about Demetri. He's growing up far too quickly for me, but is such a great help around the house. I often don't know what I would do without him. His job is the kitchen. He is a great worker, when he puts his mind do it, and loves to work to music. Beethoven's 9th symphony is is favorite, ahem, er "song." Piece of music. But that is still what he will say when you ask for his favorite song. He loves, loves, loves to sing, and can be heard singing all through the house when there is no music on--or to the music. I need to teach that boy more songs.
He has been a wonderful peacemaker lately, entertaining and getting along with all of his brothers. Sometimes he comes to me in the morning and takes the baby, so I can get some more sleep. Teething (and now a cold) has been a little rough, and Lorenzo has never been a very good sleeper to begin with anyway. Demetri is loving gymnastics, and getting ready for the next season. Since we don't attend any competitions that are held on a Sunday, we are just hoping he'll meet the requirements (three meets and a certain number of points) to go to Regionals. If not, it will all be okay anyway. He is still quite the drama king, and I'd love to put him back into acting classes, but lack the time and money at the moment, so it will have to wait. When he gets hurt he screams so loudly you would think he was going to die, and many a parent has looked at me like I must be a horrible person (or rushed to his side themselves) when I slowly and calmly walk toward him as he is writhing in agony. What they don't understand is that he will be up and playing again in 5 minutes, and that running to him and worrying over him ensures a stellar performance, but doesn't really help anything.
On Saturday, we went to the pool on Schofield, and Demetri jumped off the 30 ft. platform. This has been his wish ever since he turned 10, but it was closed for construction for some time. We finally made it there, and he was ecstatic.
Not that this has anything to do with things I want to remember, but for interested readers, we have a working refrigerator now. No hot water though. Some electrical problem.
Lorenzo made such a beautiful discovery the other day (over fall break) that I was sad when I realized I didn't catch it on camera after all (the sd card didn't know it was there but Olie was trying). He discovered the game of rolling a ball back and forth between two people, and you could just see the realization dawn on him that he had found another way to interact and others would respond and play with him. He laughed and laughed, and it was so funny to see him try to throw the ball. He would make a throwing motion but not be able to make his fingers let go...it was quite the process. He loved it. He loves to play games. He'll blow raspberries with his little tongue at the slightest invitation and loves it when others do it with him. He loves peek-a-boo. He loves tag, and pat-a-cake, and singing. Especially Old MacDonald. I'm loving this baby stage, and trying not to stress that I get nothing done. I'll finish the dishes and sweep the floor when he's not quite so cute. Maybe.
Xander's favorite stuffed animal is Eeyore. I mention this because I can't for the life of me remember what Demetri's favorite stuffed animal was at that age. Or Olie's. And that makes me just a little sad. Xander loves Eeyore, and then his monkey, and Shawn's huge teddy bear from when he was a kid. His favorite song used to be "How Much is That Doggie in the Window." Then it was "Sunshine in My Soul." Now the Sunshine song has moved into second place in favor of "the rainbow song," which is in the Children's Songbook but I have forgotten the real name. We also sing a lot of "The Bear sat around with his foot on the log." Is there a real name for that song? He loves all of the different styles of singing it (happy, sad, in a baby voice, and really fast) that we do and tries so hard not to smile or laugh while watching me sing it in a "crying" voice. We sing and read every day. If I don't read a story before nap time (and bedtime too), and sing at least one song (but probably more like five), there is a tantrum. But as long as the routine stays fairly similar, he willingly climbs in bed every time. His favorite book changes more rapidly than his favorite songs. He liked If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and loves all Amelia Bedelia. He's quite likely to request the same book over and over, for nap time and bedtime, every day until I get tired of it and hide it. I also rotate the books in the bookshelf upstairs every now and then, but I'm not sure any of them realize it yet. I love it when he uses words like "actually." He manages to make it sound like it has 5 syllables.
Teddy's favorite song is "In Our Lovely Deseret." It used to be the rainbow song, but Olie liked "the one about children" so then Teddy did too. He also loves "Follow the Prophet" though. His favorite stuffed animal is his "Georgie," which really is a Curious George stuffy. (He calls all monkeys Georgie.) You know, the more I read of Curious George books the less I like them. Really? A monkey who never does what he is asked, gets into all sorts of trouble and never suffers the consequences but is always lauded as a hero! Well, okay. Sorry for the rant. I must have been reading a little too much R.A Rey lately. (And I only just developed this dislike over the last year. I've been reading this stuff for much longer than that. I'm starting to get really picky about books.) Back to Teddy. He has a dislike for showering that I don't understand. I love showers. He has a stubborn streak the size of Texas that I really thought he might outgrow at some point. I don't really think so any more. He wants to do whatever Olie is doing, just to prove he can do it too.
Olie's favorite song is "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief." Why? Because it's Demetri's favorite song. Why? Because Shawn pointed out that it is a hymn that tells a story. They request it every night, but I just don't think I'm capable of singing all 7 verses of that song every night. So they only get it occasionally. They sleep on the same bed right now and are learning to share space. I think it is actually helping them to get along better. Or maybe that is my imagination. Olie is loving cooking right now. He was just put in piano lessons (which I should have saved as a Christmas present!) and is loving that too. He practices every day. Because after he practices he's allowed to play music games on the computer that his teacher has assigned as "homework." They aren't too bad either. Pitch and rhythm stuff. He was just promoted to "assistant dishwasher" and hates it. Of course, he was promoted because of his frequent complaining about work. Boy is that kid creative. He has whole little schemes about how he is going to make his children do all the work when he grows up and isn't going to do a thing, ever, that he doesn't want to. Or run away, so that he doesn't have to do any more work ever. Shawn told him that he is going to continue to get more chores until that attitude goes away. He used to try this little manipulation act, saying, "I thought you loved me, but you don't really," while crying pathetically and silently on the stairs. Not only did that not work, but it caused him a lot of trouble, so he wised up pretty quick and cut that one from his bag of tricks. I feel I have much to learn from him!
I hear a baby screaming...it may be a long night.
The above was written a couple of weeks ago. But I just couldn't post it without writing about Demetri. He's growing up far too quickly for me, but is such a great help around the house. I often don't know what I would do without him. His job is the kitchen. He is a great worker, when he puts his mind do it, and loves to work to music. Beethoven's 9th symphony is is favorite, ahem, er "song." Piece of music. But that is still what he will say when you ask for his favorite song. He loves, loves, loves to sing, and can be heard singing all through the house when there is no music on--or to the music. I need to teach that boy more songs.
He has been a wonderful peacemaker lately, entertaining and getting along with all of his brothers. Sometimes he comes to me in the morning and takes the baby, so I can get some more sleep. Teething (and now a cold) has been a little rough, and Lorenzo has never been a very good sleeper to begin with anyway. Demetri is loving gymnastics, and getting ready for the next season. Since we don't attend any competitions that are held on a Sunday, we are just hoping he'll meet the requirements (three meets and a certain number of points) to go to Regionals. If not, it will all be okay anyway. He is still quite the drama king, and I'd love to put him back into acting classes, but lack the time and money at the moment, so it will have to wait. When he gets hurt he screams so loudly you would think he was going to die, and many a parent has looked at me like I must be a horrible person (or rushed to his side themselves) when I slowly and calmly walk toward him as he is writhing in agony. What they don't understand is that he will be up and playing again in 5 minutes, and that running to him and worrying over him ensures a stellar performance, but doesn't really help anything.
On Saturday, we went to the pool on Schofield, and Demetri jumped off the 30 ft. platform. This has been his wish ever since he turned 10, but it was closed for construction for some time. We finally made it there, and he was ecstatic.
Not that this has anything to do with things I want to remember, but for interested readers, we have a working refrigerator now. No hot water though. Some electrical problem.
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