My Response to "Ten Things About Military Wives You Probably Don't Want to Know"

Guess what?  They already know.

http://www.merelymothers.com/2014/11/25/ten-things-military-wives-probably-dont-want-know/

I read this article this evening.   I have to say, I can't actually relate.  The only thing that I really connected with was number 7.  Now that I know it is totally normal, I will stop whining (probably) about 12 hour days and shift changes every few weeks, and sudden schedule changes that throw my day or week off completely.  And number 8--I'm beginning to feel the significance of that one...planned vacations put on hold for the 4th time, not being able to take leave because of some sort of training or random very important thing.  But mostly...I really felt like other people, single parents, people who have been TTC for a long time, some disabilities and accidents, addictions, and a whole host of other things are right up there, or a lot harder. Part of it is the line I hear all the time about how it's so tough to be a part of the military but he/she/I/we wouldn't have it any other way.  It's a choice.  Some of the other hard things in life are not choices, and a person would definitely choose to have it another way.  I really feel like being a military spouse or a military family isn't that special (bracing for the hate mail), beyond how special each of us are in our own unique ways anyway.  There are challenges that come with the lifestyle, and perks too.  It seems like every single one of those "ten things" are applicable to other life situations as well.  But while we get 30 days of paid leave a year (providing we can find time to take it) other people didn't get the leave in the first place.  While we have full medical coverage, spouse support groups, and discounted shopping to soothe our ruffled feathers at being  imposed upon, some are watching us and wishing life were this easy.

A word about the exceptions.  I do feel for homeless vets.  I think those who are hurt in service should be well taken care of.  I don't actually know how well the military does at addressing either of these issues.  I also, while I can't say I've been there or "understand", very much feel for how hard it is/would be to live with a spouse or be the spouse struggling with PTSD.  You may not go in thinking that something like that is going to happen, and I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go through it.  Then again, many others struggle with that problem from events other than deployment (rape, abuse, and more than can be named here).

The point is, life is hard.  Being a military spouse is hard.  Being a single parent is hard.  Losing someone you love is hard.  Going to college while trying to support a family is hard.  Having triplets is hard. Divorce is hard.  If your life is not hard, please email me and give me some tips.  There is something to be said for developing empathy for all of the different kinds of hard.  There is also something to be said for recognizing that your military life is no harder than most civilian lives. 

I'm not actually condemning this article.  I totally whine about things that are hard for me, and much of that includes military issues.  The lady who wrote the article is perfectly within her rights to whine about the things that are hard for her.  The only issue I have is that I've been stumbling across huge numbers of posts and articles about why it's so hard to be a military spouse...seeming to imply that it's harder than being whatever-other-kind-of-spouse there is.  (Admittedly, I sometimes find the same kinds of articles about Moms-who-stay-home or Moms-who-work, with all sorts of accompanying ridiculousness in the comments section.)  So if your spouse is not in the military, know that your struggles are just as difficult.  And if your spouse is in the military, know that you are supporting something good, but your struggles are not really harder than average.  You are not more "at your limit" than any other mom, or more tired, or more picked on.  You may be at your limit, and tired, and somewhat picked on.  Who isn't?

Go ahead with the articles about military life--I just learned that one of my touchy spots is a normal part of military life.  Go ahead with the articles about staying at home, or working, or traveling, or dealing with loss.  It's good to write and get it off your chest, it may help another person get through it or feel validated, it may serve as a journal for your kids, it may make someone think, it may provide insight into something previously incomprehensible.