Veganish

I haven't written in a while.  I've thought about it, but I haven't done it.  Because telling people (okay, mostly my dad) about going vegan (ish), would be like telling him I've decided to become Amish.  He would freak out.  Or at least roll his eyes and do an awesome face-palm.  I grew up on a beef ranch y’all.  I can still conjure up the smell of burning flesh as cattle are being branded, at will.  And it smells like home!

We've already cut meat out except when company comes, and life has been like that for years.  I don't like to cook it, and I rarely like to eat it, and touching raw meat makes me gag, so, no big deal there.  I grew up without milk, with the exception of a few times a calf would die, and the mom still needed to be milked, so we'd have fresh, raw milk for a few weeks.  Mom would try her hand at her own cheese, yogurt, butter, etc.  But we didn't buy milk from the store much, and NEVER drank it from a glass like some of my friends did.  I can do without milk.  There is such a good selection of non-dairy milks now that I haven't bought cow milk in years anyway.

Enter- the things I'm going to have a hard time with.  Cheese, butter, sour cream, yogurt, cottage cheese, honey.  Scratch that.  I'm not cutting honey.  Let's back up.  This decision was made after a lot of scripture reading, blog reading, and reading historical quotes from prophets.  We decided we needed to more closely follow the Word of Wisdom and other scriptural counsel for health, and cut out the things we felt to be unhealthy.  I personally have a hard time entering yet another weird group to which I don't really belong (ie I have different reasons for a belief, or really don't believe anything else most of the rest of the group believes) but it looks unavoidable at this point.

So allow me to show how I am really between worlds, yet again, and don't exactly fit into the omnivore group or the vegan/vegetarian crowd either.  I don't think meat and dairy are good for anyone.  Not just "this is best for me and my family" (an argument I abhor).  (Don't worry, I won't try to go around to all my omnivorous friends and family telling how horrible it is to eat meat...unless they ask:).  And I also realize that it isn't a commandment to be vegan, and is a commandment not to tell everyone it's a sin to eat meat.) I think it's hilarious and ridiculous for ANYONE to adore their pets, fight for animal rights- or at least vote for enacting animal cruelty laws (or think hunting is totally wrong), and still eat meat!  First, because animal cruelty laws don't really apply to the animals you are eating, and second, because it makes zero sense that we eat cows but eating horse would be gross, or eat pigs and turn up our noses at dog.  Especially since it's totally cultural.  Other countries eat those and think we're funny.  And we peg them as unrefined...because that's just what we do to justify our choices as better.  Religiously, eating a lot of meat because everyone else in the ward is doing it too, and ignoring our own scripture, is, well, hypocritical.  But as a whole we do tend to pick and choose, and ignore the things we don't want to give up (me included). 

Vegans- well, there is a stereotype.  Not that all vegans can be put in a little box and labeled as to entire personality and character based on diet, however, it is true that most of the ones I know, have met briefly, or read about on blogs, etc. seem to have some beliefs that are somewhat expected of vegans.  I've been referred to as "crunchy" and "granola" several times.  Many people I know embrace those terms.  For your reference, here is the urban dictionary definition (because I only heard it a couple of years ago and had to look it up even though it's been around for decades):
"Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their      lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc."


None of those terms come even close except vegetarian or vegan.  In fact, I may be opposite of each of those other terms.  Secondly, I don't eat this way because I care about the animals, at all.  I don't, and further, I don't even really like most animals.  So other vegans and I tend to have very little in common past a love for awesome new meatless, dairy-less recipes.  Not only that, but some don't want to be friends with me because of the number of children I have (on purpose!).  Climate change and overpopulation are non-issues meant to distract people from life and give them something to worry about in my opinion, and yet because I am different in some ways, it has been assumed that my ideals align in these areas, and I have been accosted or rejected over my indifference to my family's carbon footprint and my "selfishness" in having more than 1 or 2 children.  Most vegans, I think, don't use leather either.  I'm totally okay with leather (and wolf-skin coats!).  And honey.  They don't use it.  After about 5 minutes of reflection, I concluded that honey was made by God for me, doesn't hurt the bees, and has great medicinal value.  I see no reason to give it up.  Making me...not exactly vegan, but more than vegetarian.  Maybe there's another word?  Oh yes.  Weird.  That about sums it up.




And let's not tell my Dad yet k?  I'm sure he'll figure it out at the next family reunion when I break out the special marshmallows or tofurkey hot dogs.

Inner conflict

I’m okay at handling conflict with other people; it’s usually short-lived, and everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.  It’s when there are two or more differing opinions (on the same subject) residing in my own mind that I start to have trouble.  You see, as is true of many other people in the world, I have debt.  I also have choices.  The current choice is whether to stay here while my husband is in China, or go home.  I don’t want to be here.  It’ll be a tough several weeks and I’m already prone to some degree of depression with this pregnancy (I’m not sure why).  I’m doing much better than I have been, but it’s still a struggle to get through the day until Shawn comes home.  I didn’t think it was even a possibility, but it turns out I really could scrape together the gas money to go up there.  However, I seem to be several different people right now.

1.         Fiscally responsible me says if I have any “extra” money at all it should go toward paying debt down faster.  It’s been really weighing me down lately and I’ve been on a crusade to exterminate it more quickly by paying more than just the minimum payments.

2.        Emotional me thinks I may have a nervous breakdown if I have to stay here all by myself (with the kids) for that length of time.

3.        Responsible me says I have a lot of obligations here that I shouldn’t shirk, since I’m ditching in December anyway.

4.        Another logical voice likes to point out that I will be spending 8 months of the next year at my parent’s house and I should just stick it out here for a month and be happy.

5.        All the other voices say go back to bed.

I’ll probably end up staying here, since it seems to make the most sense (except to my poor children who will be stuck here in the house with me!), and as a result of “not deciding.”  Often, avoiding a decision for too long is really just making the decision in a roundabout way.