Inner conflict

I’m okay at handling conflict with other people; it’s usually short-lived, and everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.  It’s when there are two or more differing opinions (on the same subject) residing in my own mind that I start to have trouble.  You see, as is true of many other people in the world, I have debt.  I also have choices.  The current choice is whether to stay here while my husband is in China, or go home.  I don’t want to be here.  It’ll be a tough several weeks and I’m already prone to some degree of depression with this pregnancy (I’m not sure why).  I’m doing much better than I have been, but it’s still a struggle to get through the day until Shawn comes home.  I didn’t think it was even a possibility, but it turns out I really could scrape together the gas money to go up there.  However, I seem to be several different people right now.

1.         Fiscally responsible me says if I have any “extra” money at all it should go toward paying debt down faster.  It’s been really weighing me down lately and I’ve been on a crusade to exterminate it more quickly by paying more than just the minimum payments.

2.        Emotional me thinks I may have a nervous breakdown if I have to stay here all by myself (with the kids) for that length of time.

3.        Responsible me says I have a lot of obligations here that I shouldn’t shirk, since I’m ditching in December anyway.

4.        Another logical voice likes to point out that I will be spending 8 months of the next year at my parent’s house and I should just stick it out here for a month and be happy.

5.        All the other voices say go back to bed.

I’ll probably end up staying here, since it seems to make the most sense (except to my poor children who will be stuck here in the house with me!), and as a result of “not deciding.”  Often, avoiding a decision for too long is really just making the decision in a roundabout way.