A Day in the Life of a Sick House

I should have been writing all week to keep sane instead of living on Facebook and Netflix.  We’ve been sick.  Not horribly, terribly sick where all I do all day is shovel baby Advil down throats while taking temps and cleaning up vomit while worrying about dehydration, but enough to keep the washer going (and kill my ecstasy at being caught up on the laundry), and everyone in the house (save for the few times they escaped the house and I had to round them back up).  It’s the you-think-everyone-is-better-but-then-someone-randomly-throws-up-or-spikes-a-fever kind of sick that keeps you guessing.  So even though no one has vomited or had a fever in 24 hours now, I’m still not letting anyone outside, and kind of waiting on edge for the next victim to surprise me.  Maybe I’ve been in the house too long.  

While being trapped entombed, um…while lovingly taking care of my sick children in our home, I have noticed a few problems (read: railed to my husband over the phone about the mess in my house until he consented to let me get rid of anything I want to) that need to be addressed.  Since my husband’s “okay”, I have been going through books, games, clothes, and getting rid of half of everything. 

I have yet to tackle the cookbooks.  I will be sad to see them go, but the truth of the matter is, with the rare exception, anytime I’m looking for a recipe I end up looking on the internet.  It’s easier.  And faster.  And I get more variety very quickly.  And each recipe has ratings.  With tips.  So really, they are going to need to go.  

My minimalistic tendencies should be well-honed by the time I get to 70.  By then the grandchildren will be screaming at their parents as they are dropped off at my house “No!  Not Grandma’s house!  It’s SOOO BORING!  She has nothing in her house at all and there is nothing to do!  She doesn’t even have a couch to sit on!”  In the meantime, there are 40 tabs up on my phone.  House plans at 1500-2000 s.f. (with 4-5 bedrooms), couches a roomba can fit under, cleaning droid reviews, and a fruitless google search for how to have only 100 things and still raise 5 kids.  Did I mention being in a house for 5 days with sick kids makes me want to burn down the house, or at least throw everything away?

On an entirely different note- I read a most wonderful Ensign article about going to bed early and rising early.  My best friend called me and tipped me off that I should read it (does she know me or what?!).  I have struggled for years with not only the bad habit of going to bed late and getting up as late as possible (and detesting mornings with everything that is in me), but even to cultivate the desire to go to bed early and get up early.  I know it’s a commandment- it probably goes hand in hand with “thou shalt not kill”, but nevertheless it has been one of my problems for years and years.  I would try every now and again, but always ended up falling off the wagon in short order.  Now, I read this Ensign article and was greatly inspired and motivated to change.  I even toyed with the idea of hanging the article in a frame in my bedroom (I still might!).  I set a firm bedtime for myself, and stuck with it…only to be awakened several times by children who had thrown up in their beds (I was pretty awake by the time I was done cleaning up children, changing all the bedding, and throwing a load of wash in), a teething baby, and a humongous cockroach that I could hear in the laundry room from my bedroom (the ensuing war was not pretty), and a couple of false alarms (that had me running upstairs to prevent as much of the mess as possible) by a fitful sleeper.  All of this tells me that God has a sense of humor.  Or he’s just testing me to see if my resolve to keep his commandments will hold.

And- a personal update: I'm fine.  Really, emotionally, physically, doing great.  The emotional angst over the miscarriage ended almost as soon as it was over- well, a couple of days after, and I'm happy to have the opportunity to become more physically fit and work on being healthier before getting pregnant.  My leg is also improving rapidly.  The limp is almost gone, except going up/downhill and the occasional ridiculous attempt at running after a child.  Running.  Ha.  The stairs are still hard.  I can't kneel yet.  But I am working on it- stretching, strength exercises.  Real life is good therapy.

It's Over

Thanks for the love, kindness and prayers.  Although I was really worried about contractions, pain, etc. it really ended up being more like a bad, but lighter, period.  The difference, besides not being pregnant anymore, is that when I get up and do stuff I bleed more and start to cramp.  So I'm just staying down for a few days.  My appointment today confirmed that it was complete, so, no complications.  My sweet sister arranged for dinner on Saturday (which was enough for Sunday dinner too:)), which was definitely the hardest day. 

I'm sure I didn't do anything to cause this, but I'm on the internet researching how to help myself be healthier for next time nonetheless.  Of course, we all know how reliable internet "research" can be, but it's nice to know what others are doing, thinking, what seems to help, and every now and then I come across an actual study or something very useful.  Learning is important and I learned a lot from this.  It was very different from the last one.  I used a lot of herbs that really helped, and figured out what I'd like to keep on hand. 

 I don't know why everything happens, but I'm at peace with this miscarriage.  It took so much longer last time for me to be okay with how things turned out.  I really wanted to understand, and thought I needed to understand exactly why, how, how to prevent it, and was generally in turmoil for several months.  I have faith that there was a reason, even if it was just for my own experience, and that everything will be fine.  Probably better than fine. 

The baby is mad at me for not picking him up today.  I can't even begin to count his words- he knows too many now and learns more every day.  The other kids are having a hard time doing their chores and school.  I'm having a hard time deciding whether to be an enforcer from the couch, or just ignore it all and put old movies on for the day (which would, of course, stop all progress on everything else). 

Waiting

Waiting is never fun for me.  Waiting for something unpleasant is much less fun.  I found out I was pregnant the day my sister found out her baby had passed away.  (And I cried for days due to crazy pregnancy hormones.)  I worried about how and when to tell her, and decided on waiting until much later.  I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore.  Or getting a larger vehicle by January.

Today, I started bleeding, just spotting at first, and then real bleeding.  The OB did blood tests and an intravaginal ultrasound.  They would be very surprised if I didn’t miscarry.  A blessing confirmed that I will, and that it will be okay.  At 6 weeks they don’t usually do D&Cs, which I didn’t want anyway.  

So now I wait.  The first time I didn’t know what was coming.  Now I do, though every miscarriage is different, and I’m dreading it.  The pain, the blood, the time, the weakness and recovery.  I want it to be over and done so I can start over.  Dumb pregnancy hormones are making me weepy.  My body knows it’s not pregnant anymore.  The nausea left all at once.  But the hormones take much longer to subside.  

I want to run.  But even when it’s over, the best I can do is limp.  A stranger at the bus stop asked if I was okay as I slumped against the car when I returned from the hospital.  A neighbor pretended he didn’t see me as I cried my way up to my house.  I almost laughed, but I was busy crying.

The cramping is mild, but not so mild that I can sleep.  Maybe if I can sleep, I can deal with this tomorrow.  I’m glad everyone is going to be gone.  I was going to go to the PCC too, but now I will stay home in bed and hope it’s all over by the time they get back.  I don’t like people around when I’m in pain, or sad.  I don’t like writing public posts like this, but I was going to write it anyway, for my journal. I hate to end on a not-particularly-positive note, but at the moment I’m not feeling all that positive.  Maybe tomorrow.

Families are Forever

Quick Update: Everyone got the stomach flu (except Teddy).  It was a fun week.  It ended Thursday, so at least we weren’t sick over the holiday weekend.  

Also, I was given the go ahead to walk without the crutches as soon as my leg would hold my weight; so I practiced for several days, and as long as I don’t walk around too much I’m not using the crutches at all.  I can just use one crutch when I go out (like on Sundays).  My knee occasionally buckles unexpectedly, but the therapist thinks it’s just not strong enough yet.  I limp heavily, and the doctor wants the limp to be gone in 6 weeks when I come back.  Strength training here I come!

Lorenzo.  I love this stage.  I adore babies anyway, but this is one of the cutest stages there is.   He is 16 months.  When He was a year, he could say Mama, Dada, ba (ball), bu (binky), and bubu (bottle).  His newer words are much clearer, and I love the surprised look Shawn gets when he does or says new things.  He says book (with the “k”!), ball, drink, brothers (brus), and of course, cheese.  I’m pretty sure “cheese” was one of the first words of all my babies.  They love cheese.  He loves eggs, and if he sees them, you have to give him one (same with the cheese).  Boiled is probably his favorite, but he’ll eat them any way he can get them.  

He mimics other words too, and it’s so fun that babies who can’t even say a sentence still understand so much.  You ask where his toys are and he goes to the toy basket.  Tell him you’ll read him a story if he brings you a book (this is said an awful lot in my house, especially as I haven’t been very mobile lately), and he grabs a board book from the shelf.  Ask him if he’s hungry and he walks to his high chair and waits for you to put him in it.  This evening I told him to come lay down on the bed and go to sleep and he did!  (Love it when that happens.)

I love the games they play at this age.  He plays peekaboo, tag, catch, and we played with playdoh for an hour (at one time!) while the rest of the family was at the pool on Friday.  I didn’t even know (or maybe remember?) that babies that young could do one thing for that long.  It was fun.  And he likes me again.  Of course, if Shawn is around he still prefers to go to him first, but he comes to me and plays with me now instead of running away.  He points to body parts, but only when you say them in Chinese.  Don't worry, I'm sure he'll catch the English words soon enough.

Okay, so we’ve established that I love my baby.  I love the rest of them too :).  Xander has been an angel about potty training ever since the pull ups.  He brings me books and asks me to read them for about 45 minutes each day.  Teddy is learning to clean really well, and he’s proud of the job he does now.  He is better than me at Chinese (he practices more than me, and loves it when we practice together).  Olie is so excited about going to cub scouts in August!  He is getting better at helping to watch his little brothers.  Both Olie and Teddy love to play board games and do so at every opportunity.  They can get their chores and schoolwork done pretty quickly if they decide they want to play a game.  Demetri is just getting too old.  His feet are the same size as mine, and he steals my socks and t-shirts.  He and Shawn went on a 7 mile hike today with the Young Men.  He really wants to go on the 50 mile hike in two weeks, but I don’t know if that will happen.

One of our new hobbies for now is watching “Little House on the Prairie” or “Mister Ed” while I go through my exercises.  Now they want to live on a farm, with snow.  I’m just happy they like my old shows.  I don’t like much of anything that is newer. They laugh hysterically at "Mister Ed."  I should record them watching it.  It's more fun to watch them than the show!

I bought a hat.  It hides my hair well, which is in serious need of help.

 I'm pretty sure out of 20 pictures there was only one with everyone looking at the camera.

 Pictures.  Other than sleeping, the only time they look like they are holding still.

The Things You Find While Cleaning

When I was growing up I remember my mother was always drawing, browsing, collecting, and dreaming up house plans.  It was a big theme.  She was going to build her dream house, which evolved over the years.  For years, whenever I was cleaning and came upon one or more of her (usually) hand-drawn house plans, I would sit down and study it.  It was the topic of many a conversation.  Not only was this something that was easy to talk about with my mother, but it often delayed my chores for a while. 

For several years I did the same thing, starting sometime in high school and ending a few years into my marriage.  It was a fun thing to talk about with my husband, and we had grand plans.  While in the military though, that kind of dream is a very-far-away kind of dream.

The thing of mine most often found while cleaning my house is actually lists.  (My mother also had lists for everything, and various kinds of planners, which I loved to read through, occasionally stumbling across gift lists I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to see.)  Specifically, baby name lists.  No, this is not an announcement.  I am simply in love with baby names.  I have lists dating back to about the time I was 14 I think.  We had baby name books that I would read like novels, occasionally suggesting names to my mother for the next one. I very carefully named my stuffed animals, and many of them were named from my list of future children. (I also addressed journal entries to my unborn children for a time, haha.)  It never crossed my mind that my husband would probably want to have a say in naming his children. I still make lists of baby names.  I made one today.  Some are mistreated and lost, and then I’m upset I can’t remember the name I loved a few months ago.  Some find themselves tucked away in my filing cabinet for later reference.  Some float around the bookshelves in my room for a few years.  My husband thinks I’m balmy.  Illogical and obsessed at best. 

I still remember when my parents would announce they were having another baby, which happened, um, several times.  My greatest concern was what names they were considering.  I loved to look through my Mom’s baby name lists.  Ashley could have been Melody or Melanie.  Matthew was always in the top 5 for a boy.  I was also rather jealous.  At least two of my sisters had names that were ever so much more interesting than mine.  I changed my name to have an “e” at the end in middle school, and signed it that way—yes like in Anne of Green Gables, which was my favorite movie.  I changed it to have an “ie” in high school.  Notice, all of my children have at least 3 syllables in their names.  I think when I’m done having babies, I’m going to have to start adopting animals so I can keep using the names I love.  Hmm, or maybe I’ll just have to find another hobby before then!